Chapter 32: Spiritual No Man's Land

Evidence of wounds and blood on the Shroud reflect the historical Jesus. But the Shroud is much more than a record. Something else draws us to yearn. Something buried in the image challenges us to delve into a deeper exploration of human suffering.

If we break it down, human suffering usually comes in any or all of 3 forms: physical, psychological, and spiritual.

Physical encompasses things like pain, hunger, homelessness, illness, poverty, torture.

Psychological includes any emotionally based suffering, such as loss, loneliness, grief, depression, mental disorders, emotional abuse, victimization, or any moral dilemmas we grapple with, such as guilt, greed, and hunger for power and control.

Spiritual suffering can be somewhat amorphous in that, although it affects us physically and emotionally, it is rooted in the deeper crevices of our being. The 'tormented soul' terrain, as it were. The part of us that asks the bigger questions like:

“Why am I here?”
“What is my purpose?”
“What does it all mean or matter?”

And then there is spiritual no man's land...the place where absolute desperation predicates surrender.

At some juncture, life invariably traps us in unhappiness and holds us hostage. Here we appreciate our blessings, while simultaneously knowing the fear of certain suffering to come. Every moment feels laced with a kind of dread about human life on earth. We sense a life beyond and our spirits crave what is next, because what is here has become all too mundane and unbearable. Yet, we are stuck... in this no man's land, this limbo of the soul.

And then the joy begins to drain out of everything. Life begins to flatten, deflate. It's not that we don't feel moments of joy or recognize life's beauty...it's that it's not enough anymore. We long for more vibrant colors, sounds, and breezes that magically transport us to that higher place and grant us passage (instead of just getting glimpses of it in our dreams).

Our attachment to life has lost its grip and there is no turning back. And then the reality looms...that we are trapped here until we die (which might be decades). And we wonder why our minds would mess with us like this.

Our suffering has retracted to its most elemental source. Our desperation is now truly insurmountable. Dead Sea salt burns in our wounds. The narrative of pain ceases and is replaced by an eerie clenching of the soul.

Our experience of fear spirals down into the confines of self and life. There is no pretense – and nothing we have ever done prior will help us find our way out. We try to tell ourselves it is all illusion and just a trick of the mind. And maybe it is...but still we are living that illusion.

By ringing out every last teardrop of our fabric of suffering in hopes of controlling our experience of life, we nullify it as a last resort. We figure, “ If we stop feeling life it can't hurt us.” That is, of course, not true – but it feels safe to take power over suffering and simply refuse it and rather insist: “Unless life is happy and easy and pain free, we don't want to live it.”

As victims of our own human weakness, we do not wish to hurt ourselves or others, but we are not going to play this futile game either. We deem suffering as unacceptable. We refuse to accommodate it as a necessary part of spiritual growth or human life.

Lurking, as if to spite us, the realization of our predicament creeps in and we learn to dread succeeding in life because then we have too much to lose. We stagnate our lives to escape loss and pain, only to discover that frozen living is equally fraught with suffering.

and the trap snaps shut



When suffering gets the best of us it means that we give it the upper hand. We give it free reign over our life force. We give it omniscient power over our free will.

If the Shroud teaches us anything it is that human suffering does not have the upper hand. Thus, how we reconcile our suffering is what really matters. If we use our free will to go through the portal willingly, like Christ did, then we go through consciously.

Fully conscious suffering seems impossible, beyond our capacity. Usually people claim they are too weak and pick up the bottle or start taking drugs or doing something — anything to cope.

Or, when all our adult mechanisms have been zapped of their effectiveness, we revert to primal coping mechanisms to resolve our fears. In childhood and through our formative years we have imaginary experiences of fear and, often, an acute feeling of low self-esteem. We don't know if we are “OK” because we are just out the gate in this race called life and we have no direct awareness of our own speed or capabilities. We just start racing and discover ourselves as we go.

After years of self discovery, we realize there is no self. It is then we may feel the nudge to reside wherever we are best suited to loving God...and let the rest take care of itself.

No matter the causes (and there are many), the place of desperation can be our ironic entry to authentic freedom and surrender. When we trust and let God take over, we loosen our grip on our pain and suffering. We ask Him to be the one to move our lives forward, because we have finally admitted we are absolutely incapable of handling it alone.


“Into your hands, I commend my spirit”


The image on the Shroud is one of calm and peaceful release. It is the image of a man who navigated His way through the desert of spiritual no man's land...a man who transcended human suffering by surrendering to God.

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the cry low deep
an edge too steep

you dive into density
absorbing a black hole
compressing mass
swallowing darkness

there the awakening fright
you are your own prisoner
solo
at the bottom of self
in the place of never happy

true surrender animates freedom
once you admit that alone you cannot

giving up
giving in
you beckon

Lord

pull me
past panic
corner me
in desperation
ruin me
in fear

purify me
in your image
magnetize me
in your might

mold my clay of gravity
transfigure me into light